Tommy just got word that he is the proud recipient of the US Department Of State Critical Language Scholarship. This will send him to China from June to August to study the language. All expenses paid, of course. This is the perfect opportunity for the future Leader Of Earth to spread democracy, crush capitalism, and emit the bright light of American sunshine.
We've already discussed it. His first day will go as follows:
He will be taken into a torture chamber where he will be blinded by four lights. They will then ask him how many fixtures he sees.
"How many lights, Mr. Snyder?"
"There...there are four lights..."
He will then be given a brutal electric shock. They will continue to ask him in an attempt to brainwash him into thinking there are five lights. He will not budge, though.
There are four lights.
This brutal treatment will go on for six days.
On the seventh, they will free him.
"Welcome to China, Mr. Snyder"
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