Take That, China. Now you're all green.

Local officials in Qingdao, in the Shandong province, are scrambling to clean up after a massive algae bloom stuck their coast just six weeks before the start of the Olympics. I know this is a time for us all to be united in the spirit of the Olympic Games, but just try to look at that picture and not draw the capitalistic parallels.

Or just stare at the picture and try not to snicker. Heh, algae. What a mess.

UPDATE: Give me back my brother, you bastards!

Hadron Collider + The Wrong Hands = Big Problems

Brandt brought this to my attention; CNN confirmed. Buried 300 feet below ground, this powerful atom smasher, once turned on, some fear, could span a black hole that could swallow Earth. Or mearly spit out particles that could turn Earth into a hot dead clump.

Whatever works, you know?

Scientists say we're all good.

However, that's what they ALL says before we're swallowed into another dimension facing creatures beyond our understanding.

Someone at Sci-Fi Channel Original Movies is taking notes as we speak.

UPDATE: Brandt reminded me that this whole situation was pretty much the plot of Stephen King's The Mist.

50 States In 50 Days

It's been awhile since I've blogged (as the Russian Cheerleaders will tell you) but since we last spoke, my cousin Mike has embarked on another adventure. Mike, aka Indiana Jones, aka He Who Conquered Everest And Saved A Life On The Way Down, is hitting the highest points in all fifty states in fifty days. It's a grueling adventure, to say the least, but it's all being documented by my sister's boyfriend Jordan.

Sponsered by Coleman, Mike basically just pitches these ideas, they throw him money, and he goes on adventures.

Next up, possibly, is a trek across Antarctica. He told me about it over beers at Malones a few weeks ago. My friends Chelsea, Holly, and Tim were jawdropped.

I, for one, was the first to volunteer to document that whole damn thing. All I'll need is a small team.

Who's with me!?

'Crickets'.

The 100 Movie Montage

Quantum Of Solace - Teaser

The Onion News - How To Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election

Today Now!: How To Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election

College Humor - Realistic Hollywood Sex Scene

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

"Oh Dalton...we should put down a towel."

"Why?"

"I'm...spotting..."

"Oh..."

Mars Is Sweet.

As all of you may know, ice has been found just beneath the surface of Mars. Ice, once melted, becomes water--if I understand that correctly. Scientists say that water is necessary for life. Did Arakis need water in 'Dune'? I can't remember; either way, the spice must flow.

Here's Mars.

Dave Is Back, Baby!

Back, by popular demand, is the In America blog! Now, I'll be the first to admit that laziness and sheer apathy have been the primary causes for my absence. I was about to finish that last sentence with, "...from the blogosphere", but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

That's how much I care!

Gone are the days when my soul sucking day job determines whether or not I can laugh at the lowest common denominator. Maybe I spelled that right; maybe I didn't.

I don't know. Moving on.

I can't promise I'll post as frequently as I did when I did nothing at NBC/Universal.

I can't promise that I'll post everyday.

But you have called; I have answered.

'In America' is back and it brought presents.

Russian Cheerleaders!

Show us what you've got, you Godless Soviets!

Cue the music! Dave's Back!